“Monty! Listen dude, you’ve got to kill those white boys. Nothing good can come from this.”
Montezuma shifts uncomfortably in his throne. ”What do you mean? They’re our honored guests. Some of my men thing they’re gods.”
“They’re not gods, trust me. They’re just looking for gold,” I say while grabbing a nearby spear. ”Let’s do this now while they’re sleeping.”
“But they’re so much more advanced than we are! How can we expect to defeat them?” he asks. Some of his guards start to stir. I can tell they agree with me. No one likes when whitey comes and ruins the party.
“I’m no military expert, but I think 200,000 angry men with spears can go through a few dozen rifles. It’s true, history is filled with examples primitive cultures getting raped by advanced ones upon first encounters, but these guys aren’t so far ahead that you can’t overcome them,” I insist, damning a golden shield some war paint.
“It always goes badly for the less advanced culture? What’s an example?” he asks.
“Like when the Aztecs got obliterated in Mexico,” I say without thinking. The war paint looks awesome.
“But WE’RE the Aztecs! THIS is Mexico,” he says, terrified.
“ oh yeah. Sorry about that. It’s the only one I could think of.”
“What do we do after we kill Cortez?” asks Montezuma, standing up and stretching his calves. A guard hands him a spear.
“We take their ships, assimilate their technology, attack all the European settlements in the Caribbean, then unit all the tribes in North America.”
Monty stares at me wide eyed. ”Oh, is THAT all?” he sarcastically. ”What’s this ‘America’ your speak of?”
“It’s what whitey is going to call this place once you’re all dead. But you can call it Montezuma-rico or something like that when you’re done. Really doesn’t matter.”
“Montezuma-rico?” he asks.
“Yeah. And any time you see some white guys on a boat, kill them. Or just leave one alive, torture him for a while and send him back to Europe to tell everyone crazy stories about how you sacrifice people for your gods!”
“But we DO sacrifice people for our gods,” he says.
” Perfect! Keep playing that angle.”
Monty looks skeptical. ”You sure about this?”
” Positive. I know it’s a lot of info for one day, but the sooner you get moving the better off you’ll be.”