I notice that once a month I’ll have a streak of severe doubt and depression. It’s an artistic menstrual cycle that occurs every 30 days or so. And the questions in my head are probably very similar to how everyone in our field feels: why do I care about art so much? Who really reads this stuff? Who am I fooling? Why am I not better? What if someone finds out that I’m just faking it? And so on.
Some of these questions have obvious answers. Some will never be answeredand trying to answer them is partially what the pursuit of art is about.
Lately I’ve been finding ways to help power through these ruts. And the trick, I find, is simply to try and understand what’s happening in my head by giving it a language. Depression and doubt will always hit us to some degree. But by labeling it and understanding the science/psychology of what’s going on, we can better manage these ruts.
*and feel free to post thoughts on points that I might have missed.
REPETITION
Obviously, doing something over and over helps build your confidence. And the power of confidence when putting down something permanent like India ink cannot be overstated.
FRUSTRATION
Let’s say you start your day with what you know is an easy page. And you’re drawing Wolverine in profileno problem. But for some reason you keep fucking up the nose. Which pisses you off because you can draw Wolverine in your sleep. Why isn’t your hand cooperating? What aren’t you seeing? Your emotional response has now infected the drawing part of your brain, meaning you’re not thinking like you normally do when drawing. Your brain chemistry literally changes when you’re pissed off. I honestly don’t know the solution to this one. Some guys still power through. I’ll start fresh with another piece of paper that isn’t poisoned by my mark making. Or I’ll stop for the day. If my schedule permits, I’m happy to call it a “snow day” and not try to force it. But I know that ain’t always the case.
LACK OF INTEREST
This is a big one. To be honest, this sub-topic deserves it’s own journal entry.
I can’t tell you how often I meet artists who aren’t too thrilled with the book they’re doing. Sure, being published is great and being paid to stay home and draw explosions sounds cool. And for a lot of guys it makes them happier than a pig in shit. To be honest I don’t talk to too many guys like that (maybe everyone is pissed off to some degree, or maybe I’m a snob). For some reason the artists I find myself relating to/drinking with are the ones who, after the dazzle wears off, find more things to be unsatisfied with. And I’m not saying it’s healthy to think this way, but the fact that they’re unsatisfied means they know there’s room for improvement on some level. And if you’ve been reading my journals then you know I’m all about improvement and ideology.
Here’s a short list I came up for REASONS FOR MOTIVATION when drawing comics:
1.You’re into the character. You don’t care about the plot or the setting so much as long as you’re drawing Spider Man! You probably even wear the Spidey underwear. Over your jeans.
2. You’re into the setting. You might not be crazy about Spider Man or the plot, but you love drawing the shit out of NYC!
3. You’re into the story. You’re not crazy about Spider Man or drawing NYC, but damn is the script good! The dialog is tight and the ending is really satisfying. And good on you for being smart enough to identify the finer acts of plot and structure!
4. You’re into the intent of the project. You don’t like Spider Man, the setting or the story. But this issue happens to take place in Africa, and there are a few good moments in the story where Spider Man is witnessing mass poverty and tribal enslavement in the hands of a blood-diamond baron. And, being a “take the high road” type of person, you decide that you can get into the book because American SHOULD know more about blood diamonds, and putting it into a Spider Man comic will be a great way to fist it to them! (This 4th reason is obviously very rare. Both the projects and the type of artists who would think this way.)
Sometimes an artist has all four of these motivations. And sometimes one. Some artists are happy with onesometimes one ain’t enough (or sometimes it’s just about money, and in that case I would argue that they’re not really into the book at all, just the paychech). Personally I’d love for all four motivations to happen with each book I’m doing, but that isn’t likely. For the most part, as long as I dig the character and the setting, I’m good to go. But if the story starts to get flimsy, that’s when I start getting unhappy.
So I guess the question is, what kind of artist are you? What do you need to NOT ONLY tackle the book, but tackle it with gusto? And if you’re in a tough spot, try breaking down exactly why you’re having problems and maybe your editor can help you. ”I just don’t like this book” is too broad. Do yourself a favor and get scientific about itit might help.
At least it’ll make you a better complainer.