I had no idea where I would take it-all I knew was that I just needed to keep a straight face.
“Airplane boner? What’s that?” she asked in total disbelief. Because I fuck with her on a constant basis, it has become harder and harder to fool her. My biggest victory was when I convinced her there was a such thing as a ‘lightning raccoon’ in the forests of New England (it had the ability to electrically shock smaller animals and was roughly the size of a small bear).
“Airplane boner is what most guys get when an airplane rises into the sky. Even though the cabin is pressurized, there’s enough of a difference pressure that it causes men to circulated blood through their wieners,” I said matter-of-factly. Seriously people, my improve skills are pretty good when they need to be.
Plus Colleen will NOT fuck with me on matters of science, so my bullshit line about cabin pressure? Hook, line and sinker.
“Really?” she asked a little more wide-eyed.
“Surprised you never heard of it. Wow. What did they teach you in school?”
“That’s just so weird though. Does every guy get it when they fly?” she asked.
“The way to tell is by looking at whether the guy has pulled the tray down from the seat in front of him. If he has-and there’s nothing on the tray-chances are he’d hiding ‘airplane boner’.”
So for the rest of the flight she kept looking up each time a nearby male started using his tray. And then she looked at me next to her while I gave her a look that said “hate to break it to you, but it’s totally true. Having a wiener is a pain sometimes. Maybe even a curse.”
AIRPLANE BONER people. If you’re a good salesperson, you can get anyone to believe it. My tip for the men out there: women don’t really know a whole lot about your wiener, so this shouldn’t be hard. As long as you keep a straight face you should be all set. And my tip for the ladies: if you describe ‘airplane boner’ and throw out words like ‘cabin pressure’ and ‘releasing restricted blood vessels’, then most guys will probably believe you.
At the VERY LEAST, the next time that person gets on a plane that starts climbing to 30,000 feet-they’ll think of you.